Sunday, March 13, 2011

Worst blogging partner ever

So, it's Sunday morning, and another week has passed with nary a glance at the files in my dissertation file. I'm feeling a sense of bewilderment. Henceforth, I will not let this feeling dictate my life; I will at the very least blog what is going on. I want to talk more about these questions. What are the motivating questions of my current chapter? If I write them down, will I feel less scared?

While Jeff has been diligently blogging, I've been avoiding. Avoiding blogging, avoiding dissertating, and, oh dear, avoiding even the thought of dissertating. Then I woke up at 4:30 AM and felt the urge to write. It might have felt a bit panicky and anxious, but it was still there: the urge. So, it's an hour and a half later and I still haven't opened a file. And then I realized I could at least blog a couple of paragraphs, and then I could open the file. And then I could feel sure that progress would be made. One word at a time. Also, this week is blog week for me. I will blog my progress each day. March 13: check. March 14: you're mine. I'll check in later.

Jeff: when's the conference? Have you been writing the paper? What have you learned from printing out your chapter? Please report in.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Fifteen pages

I just printed out my "draft" of my first chapter, the one I keep hoping to get knocked into enough to shape to show my committee. It came in at fifteen pages--fifteen messy, disorganized, and sloppy pages. There are still some "INSERT CORRECT DATE HERE" type statements, even where I give the correct date four pages later. And more than a third of my subheads (which I use for writing, but won't show up in the finished document) say "write something here about this." Sloppy, sloppy stuff. I can barely stand to read it myself, so there's no way I'm showing it to my committee. Plus, there's no really coherent argument yet, even though I have one in mind. Somehow that transition from "in my head" to "on the page" hasn't happened yet.

But I've printed it up so I can work it over on paper. I'm hoping that the format change will spark some highly-motivated fire in my belly. At least it'll get me away from the devil computer. (Sometimes computers are to me what cachaça[1] is to a Brazillian drunk.)

PLUS, I've got a conference presentation in a couple of weeks and I haven't started that paper yet. Yes: haven't started. It's the foundation (kinda) of my next chapter, though I might just do some fiat and change my vision of my dissertation so that it becomes the chapter. Well, the paper plus twenty pages.

Still, there's small progress (slow, painful progress).

NOTES:

[1] Since you're probably never been to Brazil, take my word for it that in Brazil cachaça is cheap, strong liquor. Think of Everclear at $3 a bottle. Every drunk I ever met in Brazil had cachaça oozing from his pores.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Ice cream deadlines

I really wanted to put a pun in the post title about "marching onward" or something clever, but my best self prevailed. You're welcome.

My goal was to have a chapter drafted by the end of February, and that didn't happen. But it is closer. I still want to have a solid-but-short version ready by the end of this week, which I might count as still part of February since the week started in February, and so that's still technically part of... no? All right, still, I'm hoping for Saturday to have something I can send to my committee and get their feedback about at least my general direction.

As per my last post, I have right now organized my chapter around two major questions. They're loosely tied together, and one of my big struggles is finding the overarching question that links them together and links them with the other chapters. But I haven't written the other chapters, so that glue isn't really connecting right now.

Now, I do know thematically how they're connected: it's the subject of my dissertation after all. But I don't have the Big Question solidly in mind. It's still just subjects and themes and mushy wibbly wobbly stuff. Any questions I write now feel like they're written in melting ice cream. Thus, the chapter I intend to give to my committee this Saturday will be two loosely connected questions and some ice-creamy question that binds them together. Which isn't much of a goal when I write it down that way, but it is a goal and boy howdy do I need someone cracking a whip over me regarding deadlines.

On Saturday I hope to look at my metaphorical whip-cracker and offer her a metaphorical dish of delicious ice cream and we'll smile and, for one evening, enjoy our (Jeni's, so long as I'm imagining I might as well imagine the best) ice cream together.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Something that helped: asking questions

A few days ago, I read Clarissa's basic rules for scholarly writing and found a couple of things worth thinking about. In particular, I found the following section most immediately useful:

Create a specific question you will be answering. The question should begin with an interrogatory word (why, when, how, why, etc.) and end in a question mark. "I'm going to write about Cervantes" or "I'm going to write about Galdos's modernity" are not good essay topics. They will confuse you and create a very watered down, imprecise piece of writing. The best thing to do is to come up with a specific question, write it on a cue card, and stick it in front of the computer screen. Then, every sentence you write should be aimed at answering this particular question and not spread out into other topics.

I realized that I could not answer a specific question about my chapter because I didn't have it boiled down to that point. Since then, I've worked to come up with the right questions that really reflect what I'm doing. And you know what? It's really useful. The chapter organization seems much more logical and imperative, and I have a clearer vision about where it's going. I have a feeling that it will also pay off in the writing itself, but that remains to be seen.

Blogging through the pain

Okay, so the summer was bad for productivity and the fall wasn't much better. And, yet, here we are. With the prospectus passed, I have a momentary feeling of hope and a commitment (once again) to work. To writing. My new deadline is April 21. Chapter One must be in excellent shape by then so I won't feel like I'm submitting complete crap to my co-advisers. They do not like crap. They do not deserve crap. Thus, I will be writing crap and then revising it into something slightly less so. But that means that I need to have it fully drafted into something manageable within about a month. So, March 21, watch out! Here I come...

The work starts tomorrow with some reading and note-taking. Then with some outlining and some planning. I will work in tiny chunks: 1250 words a day is all I need to do to get somewhere. I'm pretty sure that four days a week of 1250 words each day will get me to someplace fairly decent in the span of four weeks. That would mean I could achieve 5000 words a week and 20,000 words in four weeks. If 250 words is approximately one page (double-spaced), then that means I'd have 80 (double-spaced) pages by March 21. Then those 80 pages can be trimmed down to a much sleeker and more stylish 50-60 pages, which hopefully will be met with praise, or at least positive critical encouragement, from my brilliant co-advisers.

But is this a reasonable goal? I don't know. I'll take it one day at a time. Tomorrow is Friday, my first work day of the week after a kind of crazy week with my sister, work, and way too much socializing. Time for some books and quiet and my little happy typing fingers. I still can't believe that all that lies between me and a PEE-AITCH-DEE (and that silly hat) is a bunch of writing. Just me, my books, my laptop, and my advisers. Hoo boy. I feel excited and scared and happy all at once. Lots of positive energy right now, actually. But how long will I be able to ride this wave? I don't know. I'm counting on the blog to help alleviate any pain that arises. Don't fail me now, nonexistent readers. I need you.

And, so, this entry concludes with a brief celebratory moment. Cue confetti! Cue the streamers! Cue the noisemakers! Loud horns of exclamation for Jeff! Raucous banging of the drums for Anne! We're off to the races, folks, and we will be blogging the revolution. Stay tuned for further castle-storming.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

My prospectus is done

Yes, it has taken me months, and my high-productivity summer wasn't highly productive. But all is not lost, no friends, all is not lost.

Indeed, I have hurdled the final institutional hurdle between me and full-time dissertating and have successfully submitted my prospectus and have already put it out of my mind. It's like the dream that seemed so real while it lasted, but then dissipates before breakfast.

It's done, so perhaps the less said the better. It was a step of institutional necessity but not one that really provided me much value (to be frank) (maybe I'll change my opinion later, but I'm not banking on it), and I'm glad to be through with it.

But now I feel some (little) exhilaration that is giving me some temporary momentum. I wish I could say it was real momentum, but history has shown me that usually this kind of burst is short-lived. So with that realization, I'm going to do my best to translate as much of it as I can into something more substantial.

And I'm setting ambitious goals. My first goal is a little crazy: I'm going to have my first chapter organized and roughly written by the end of next week. It would be crazier if I hadn't been putting together notes and (rough rough rough) rough draft work for the past six months or so. It will be mostly the work of doing some organization (so I tell myself; we'll see how I feel in a couple of days).

Mostly I need to say welcome back to the blog. Welcome back, Anne; welcome back, Jeff. Now we're off to the races.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I'm still here

So, my summer has begun. Classes ended. Grading ended. One more meeting with a student over a disputed grade, and then I'm done. Done with teaching.

I've been meeting friends everyday to work. We meet at about 8:30 to work at a coffee shop or other study location: Cup O' Joe, Starbucks, Caribou, or library. Today it's the library. My friend, who is almost done with her dissertation, has been helping me break down the prospectus into tiny chunks. Which I need to do. Because I can only write in tiny chunks. Little pieces. Bits. Nuggets. Morsels.

Now I'm hungry.

Okay, so today I'm going to just answer questions that I've posed for myself. Then I will proceed to setting up my critical overview. Then I will describe my project. Then I will explain specific chapters.

Yeah.