So, it's Sunday morning, and another week has passed with nary a glance at the files in my dissertation file. I'm feeling a sense of bewilderment. Henceforth, I will not let this feeling dictate my life; I will at the very least blog what is going on. I want to talk more about these questions. What are the motivating questions of my current chapter? If I write them down, will I feel less scared?
While Jeff has been diligently blogging, I've been avoiding. Avoiding blogging, avoiding dissertating, and, oh dear, avoiding even the thought of dissertating. Then I woke up at 4:30 AM and felt the urge to write. It might have felt a bit panicky and anxious, but it was still there: the urge. So, it's an hour and a half later and I still haven't opened a file. And then I realized I could at least blog a couple of paragraphs, and then I could open the file. And then I could feel sure that progress would be made. One word at a time. Also, this week is blog week for me. I will blog my progress each day. March 13: check. March 14: you're mine. I'll check in later.
Jeff: when's the conference? Have you been writing the paper? What have you learned from printing out your chapter? Please report in.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Fifteen pages
I just printed out my "draft" of my first chapter, the one I keep hoping to get knocked into enough to shape to show my committee. It came in at fifteen pages--fifteen messy, disorganized, and sloppy pages. There are still some "INSERT CORRECT DATE HERE" type statements, even where I give the correct date four pages later. And more than a third of my subheads (which I use for writing, but won't show up in the finished document) say "write something here about this." Sloppy, sloppy stuff. I can barely stand to read it myself, so there's no way I'm showing it to my committee. Plus, there's no really coherent argument yet, even though I have one in mind. Somehow that transition from "in my head" to "on the page" hasn't happened yet.
But I've printed it up so I can work it over on paper. I'm hoping that the format change will spark some highly-motivated fire in my belly. At least it'll get me away from the devil computer. (Sometimes computers are to me what cachaça[1] is to a Brazillian drunk.)
PLUS, I've got a conference presentation in a couple of weeks and I haven't started that paper yet. Yes: haven't started. It's the foundation (kinda) of my next chapter, though I might just do some fiat and change my vision of my dissertation so that it becomes the chapter. Well, the paper plus twenty pages.
Still, there's small progress (slow, painful progress).
NOTES:
[1] Since you're probably never been to Brazil, take my word for it that in Brazil cachaça is cheap, strong liquor. Think of Everclear at $3 a bottle. Every drunk I ever met in Brazil had cachaça oozing from his pores.
But I've printed it up so I can work it over on paper. I'm hoping that the format change will spark some highly-motivated fire in my belly. At least it'll get me away from the devil computer. (Sometimes computers are to me what cachaça[1] is to a Brazillian drunk.)
PLUS, I've got a conference presentation in a couple of weeks and I haven't started that paper yet. Yes: haven't started. It's the foundation (kinda) of my next chapter, though I might just do some fiat and change my vision of my dissertation so that it becomes the chapter. Well, the paper plus twenty pages.
Still, there's small progress (slow, painful progress).
NOTES:
[1] Since you're probably never been to Brazil, take my word for it that in Brazil cachaça is cheap, strong liquor. Think of Everclear at $3 a bottle. Every drunk I ever met in Brazil had cachaça oozing from his pores.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Ice cream deadlines
I really wanted to put a pun in the post title about "marching onward" or something clever, but my best self prevailed. You're welcome.
My goal was to have a chapter drafted by the end of February, and that didn't happen. But it is closer. I still want to have a solid-but-short version ready by the end of this week, which I might count as still part of February since the week started in February, and so that's still technically part of... no? All right, still, I'm hoping for Saturday to have something I can send to my committee and get their feedback about at least my general direction.
As per my last post, I have right now organized my chapter around two major questions. They're loosely tied together, and one of my big struggles is finding the overarching question that links them together and links them with the other chapters. But I haven't written the other chapters, so that glue isn't really connecting right now.
Now, I do know thematically how they're connected: it's the subject of my dissertation after all. But I don't have the Big Question solidly in mind. It's still just subjects and themes and mushy wibbly wobbly stuff. Any questions I write now feel like they're written in melting ice cream. Thus, the chapter I intend to give to my committee this Saturday will be two loosely connected questions and some ice-creamy question that binds them together. Which isn't much of a goal when I write it down that way, but it is a goal and boy howdy do I need someone cracking a whip over me regarding deadlines.
On Saturday I hope to look at my metaphorical whip-cracker and offer her a metaphorical dish of delicious ice cream and we'll smile and, for one evening, enjoy our (Jeni's, so long as I'm imagining I might as well imagine the best) ice cream together.
My goal was to have a chapter drafted by the end of February, and that didn't happen. But it is closer. I still want to have a solid-but-short version ready by the end of this week, which I might count as still part of February since the week started in February, and so that's still technically part of... no? All right, still, I'm hoping for Saturday to have something I can send to my committee and get their feedback about at least my general direction.
As per my last post, I have right now organized my chapter around two major questions. They're loosely tied together, and one of my big struggles is finding the overarching question that links them together and links them with the other chapters. But I haven't written the other chapters, so that glue isn't really connecting right now.
Now, I do know thematically how they're connected: it's the subject of my dissertation after all. But I don't have the Big Question solidly in mind. It's still just subjects and themes and mushy wibbly wobbly stuff. Any questions I write now feel like they're written in melting ice cream. Thus, the chapter I intend to give to my committee this Saturday will be two loosely connected questions and some ice-creamy question that binds them together. Which isn't much of a goal when I write it down that way, but it is a goal and boy howdy do I need someone cracking a whip over me regarding deadlines.
On Saturday I hope to look at my metaphorical whip-cracker and offer her a metaphorical dish of delicious ice cream and we'll smile and, for one evening, enjoy our (Jeni's, so long as I'm imagining I might as well imagine the best) ice cream together.
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